Filed under: Friendship?, Fuck, Happy?, Honestly, I hate my body, I think too much, Meh, Oh NOES, Ramble, SEXXX, Well shit
Today was unbearably long. Work dragged past.
The other night (morning) was amazing, I have decided. Saber said it was lame, but I disagree. I wish nights (mornings) like that would happen more often. There wasn’t any drama, or if there was, it was minimal and brief. It was fantastic. Plus, I got a bit of makeout action. Hooray.
He and I have been hanging out lately, and the more I reflect on our time together, the more I feel like I am accidentally leading him on. That is not my intention, and I have made my stand. We are NOT getting back together. But I feel like no matter what I do, I instill some sort of false hope in him, and I don’t want to do that, because it only makes things harder for him and more difficult for our friendship. He continues to tell me that I am his best friend, and I am completely fine with that. I want to be the best friend for him that I can be. But I feel like I am the cause of the majority of his problems, and pulling out completely seems as though it would be just as detrimental as what’s happening at current. All I can do is be myself and be there for him, but he wants to spend a lot of time with me, and I don’t really have the heart anymore to tell him that maybe the amount of time we’re spending together is hurting him more than helping him. It’s a Catch-22 because I can’t be his best friend without being around him or talking to him or being there for him, but those things don’t help him get over me. It is, however, his choice, and I’m going to let him do whatever he thinks is best for him. It’s all I can do, really.
I think my vagina has finally developed a mind of its own, and it occassionally decides to over-rule my real mind. The slightest thing can set me off on a sexual tangent, and I’m not sure what to do when that happens. So I sit around, frustrated, and wait for it to wear off, which it never does or takes an excrutiatingly long time to do. Sex is sex, and I don’t have feelings for anyone, and yet I still seem to be incapable of getting laid. And my vagina is not so thrilled about it. Thus, I’m not so thrilled about it.
I feel good.
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
I’m not looking to cause offence here so I apologise if I do as it isn’t my intention.
I guess what you need to do is essentially cause a little bit of pain now to stop a hell of a lot of pain later. If the two of you are no longer together then you should act as such, as it stands with you adamant that you are not getting back together you should let them know that. At the moment you’re sending the wrong message to them. Deliberate or not you are leading them on a little if you want to be there in a best friend capacity then you should let them know in advance of your own intentions.
Break-ups take time and the constant bouncing backwards and forwards doesn’t do anyone any good espcially when it seems they want to be with you in more than a ‘best-friend’ way… trust me I’m a guy we say best friend when we want more. Give time for the break up to stick (or not stick) then perhaps look at being their friend when you have both dealt with your left over feelings.
You wouldn’t want it all to come to the eventual argument of them wanting you and you wanting to be alone and have them hating you because of it.
Like I said not trying to upset you, just offering advice.. as for the other dilemma well I can’t help you with that one there.
Comment by James Sparrow June 26, 2008 @ 7:51 am