Never mind the blood; dig deeper.

I feel like I have so much shit to do and no time or money with which to do it. School starts on the 25th of August, and I haven’t even paid for housing yet. My car is broken. I still need to figure out my financial aid. I only make enough money to pay my bills. I’m living paycheck to paycheck, and it blows.

I broke our essentially new lawnmower this morning. It’s fixable, but I have to pay for it. It’s just a fucking irritation that I really don’t want to have to deal with. I wanted to be done mowing the lawn by now. Weak sauce.

I feel as though I spend a lot of time complaining and not a lot of time doing anything to change things.
I complain about money, but I don’t work during school and I don’t bother trying to find a better job.
I complain about my weight, but I am too apathetic to work out.
I complain about my car, but I don’t take care of it as well as I should.
I complain about friends (or lack of), but I don’t make as much effort as I could.
I complain all the goddamned time, and I never do anything. I just wade around in my puddle of self-pity and bitterness until I fall into a deep spot and explode. Just once, even if for one day, I want things to be fucking perfect. I want to be able to be secure about my finances and responsibilities, and not feel like the world is against me.

quarterlife doesn’t hate me, and that makes me feel so fucking good I can’t even explain.

Once again, I feel like I have so much to say, but I can’t figure out words.

I’ll get back to you.